Do You Have Assurance?

So, I haven’t updated in awhile, so I guess I’ll just tell you what’s going on.

Many people have asked me who I like, just to be clear, I like no one currently. No feelings, no “interests”, no anything. I’d rather be friends anyway, aha.

School is boring. I want snow, not school. I hate what school’s made out of; gossip, drama, naive girls.

God is another thing, I love him,  more & more. But it’s  just that I’ve  been feeling kind of empty .. Like something’s not right. I don’t know what’s right. I need help.

Family? Deteriorated. Don’t like them, temporarily. I just think that we  argue too much, & take sides.

Friends? It’s all good. Friends make me happy, (:

That’s all for now, but just a question to ponder about:

Do You Have Assurance? Are you a “Christian”? 

The Only Friend I Have Is God.

So, I’m better since my previous blog, I’m getting through it. It’ll be okay with God’s help.

But anyways, I was thinking, & do I have any friends? Do I have someone who will always be there for me to comfort me, & for me to comfort them? Do I help people out of their own benefit, & not mine? No, I don’t. I don’t have any friends. But it’s okay, I have God. That’s all I need. If you think about it, which may sound very depressing, we’re most likely never going to see each other pass college. Everyone has different interests, therefore different majors. It may be possible that we could attend the same college, but I doubt it.

Yes, the “friends” that you have will help you at times, don’t get me wrong. But what I’m trying to say is, they won’t be there forever.

I understand, I should live in a “spur of the moment” kind of thing, but hey, these things come to mind sometimes.

I love GOD. & only GOD.

I Don’t Know Anymore?

There’s something that I got  news of yesterday, Christmas Eve.

Never would have thought of it.

But tears ran down my face like a little kid sliding down a slide at the park of sorrow. It hurts to know, it angers me that it happend.

We warned, we tried persuading. Now the consequences are here, & in charge. God only can help, only Him. Only Him. ONLY Him. Dang, I’m still angered by  it, how it could sneak up &  attack like that? I don’t know, I’m lost. I’m beyond lost. What do I do? Pray? Okay, but I’ve been doing that. I know this sounds so childish, it sounds childish to me. I’m so immature, so stupid. I don’t know anything anymore.

Maybe  it’s a test from God? Maybe … & I know I’m not doing so well. I can’t handle this. I can’t. My heart burns for something to hug, maybe for something to comfort me. But that’s God. I know that. But, I don’t know? It’s so different. Everything’s so different.

I just contradicted myself maybe, 45425758 times. I’m stupid, sorry.

Someone, help me. God, help me. Give me strength.

My dad has cancer.

An Angel Of Gratefulness. & Impact.

So a couple of weeks ago, I was craving some Pho. So my dad & I went. I instantly started eating the appetizers when they came out. What happend was that there was an old man with a brown jacket from the dirt and torn shoes trying to get in the restaurant through the wrong door [it was locked]. So I politely got  up, smiled, & opened the door for him. He thought I worked  there so he asked me if I had any chapstick[It was fairly cold today, & his lips were really chapped] so i said, “Sorry sir, I don’t have any. Maybe the people up at the counter do?” So he went. He then got rejected, & told to go out the door. He left, looking at me. Wow, I can’t explain the sorrow I felt for him. I had just led him into getting told to get out, wow.  So i asked my dad if he had any money on him. He pulled out five dollars. When i looked out the window to see if the man was still there, he was gone. I sat for a good 5 seconds before I decided to look for him. I ran out the door, & i saw him maybe 10 feet away? I yelled for him.

“Sir! Come back!” He came towards me with blue,hopeful eyes. “I have money for you. Please go buy your chapstick.” He held out his hand, & with a soft voice he said, “Thank you, little lady,” Ha, I probably looked like the grinch afterwards. I was so happy that I could help him, even if it were only five dollars. I said, “No problem, God bless you. & Have a great Christmas!” & I handed him the money. He put it in his pocket, then held his hand out  & I hesitated at first. His hand was dirty, but I knew my heart was filthy & wreaked of selfishness. I shook his cold hand, & he said, “Ma’am, i hope you have a jolly Christmas too.” & he walked away smiling.

So, that’s it. End of my blog today. If only I could’ve helped  him more, those are my only regrets & I continue to pray  for him. But, think about it, it was only five dollars.

I Guess This Is It

No one knows me, only God.

I guess I should introduce myself then. I’m a young, fourteen year old girl, living in this God forbidden world. Worrisome thoughts run through my head like a wildfire, as my body reacts as a loud, rambunctious person. Why? Why do I worry? I mean, God’s going to comfort me, right? Yeah, He is. But you can’t help but to worry in this world, this world of eternal sin.

My life has been an RV. I never finished a full year of school until I moved to Greenville. Even at first, my family & I stayed there for a half of a year then moved to Myrtle Beach. We stayed there for another half of a year, then came back to Greenville & started these ongoing, full years of elementary school. I even started middle school there. I got into some bad things in sixth grade, you would be surprised. I didn’t even know our Lord, my savior. I mean, I knew about Him, but I didn’t understand the whole concept. I always went to church Sunday, Saturday, & sometimes Friday, but I still did not know him. I prayed, but prayed prayers of selfishness. It was December of that year, that I heard news of moving here. I cried, & cried, & cried like a baby. I moved here, and then I realized what a great decision I made. KCPC really allowed me to see God. & I love everyone there. The first Friday I went there, I cried. Not cried in a bad way, but I was so touched at how these other kids, some my age, were praising God. The Holy Spirit was surely there within us that night.

Those of you that know me may not know this, but I have an older sister, Grace. She was born three years before I was born. I love her, even though I didn’t know her … She died two days after she was born, which was November 11. Which is when I was born. She  died around the time of my birth, which was three years later. After she died, my mom continuously prayed for another daughter. & here I am. A miracle? I sure think so. Eh, I’ve never shared that with a lot  of people, even as a kid. I always kept it within my family & that was it. I now realize how God’s so miraculous, & how I should share that with the world instead of keeping it within my shell. He is so great. So wonderful. So miraculous. So endearing. So loving. So forgiving. & I love my God, my awesome God.

Guess that’s it for now, (: <3

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